Apparently

Thinking out loud. ..

Wait,  …   thinking in alphabetical,  english word,  sequenced, seemingly appropriately,  punctuated digitized pixels.

So far in this life, it seems as though I’ve been circumstantialy forced,  or genuinely inspired to question nearly everything.

Apparently,  I have a father,  unprepared and reluctant, there, but embarrassed of his nitwit offspring with a pervasive underlying regret he didn’t have his vasectomy,  one child sooner. .

Not to misunderstand,  or confuse,  growing up,  my father, was in my life on a day to day basis.  This isn’t some sad notion that no one was around,  like you see or so often hear about.

However, looking back,  I suspect, it is a little like in high school,  starting one of those parenting child as egg class projects.

Sounds easy enough, right, just have to make sure, the egg doesn’t break.  Wait, you can’t keep it safe, in a sock drawer, while you go about your day????

Shit. now responsible with no way out.

Another analogy might be that of reading a book.  Either,  one that seemed interesting enough to read, or one that was recommended.

Having the fortitude,  regardless of how bad, boring or benign the “story” is,  by circumstance (the book was purchased) (the wife was impregnated ) or commitment (said you would read it) to the printed end. (18). Then shelved,  ta da obligation achieved.

While I’d like to think not, that I am “clouding” reflections of the past with the current “climate”,  I can “see” where the present day overcast grey sky,  storm looming, feelings come from.

Writing this,  here and now, as it it is “spilling” out on the screen, gives me the realization that some of my posts clearly advocate a myriad of rational arguments for not having children.

Having an untenable overriding, sentiment, that I shouldn’t be here.

Printable penchant proof proving post pleas plausible perceptions personhood poof.

Time to leave, the sock drawer,  it’s very dark in there, most of the time.

So, instead of being bitter and blaming,  I’ll take responsibility and the high road and appreciate the wisdom he had for passing timely control over to the appropriate overseers.

The non apparent parent.

Immediate surrogate father figures.

Papa John

Quiet accepting presence. Just a nice guy, perpetually peaceful,  gone, yet aspirationally relevant.

Uncle John

Guidance , taught me how to do stuff with my hands. plumbing,  carpentry,  electrical.

First to inspire me to question religious dogma causing me to question the “virgin birth stories ” by explaining how Joseph was banging Mary,  and abdicated responsibility by claiming divine intervention.

George Carlin

Reason and laughter, think, question everything and proper use of language. Words, meanings, contextually appropriate.

Howard Stern

Humility and understanding.  Every topic is funny and every one is fair game. Accepting all because they are funny and you can’t see race on the radio. Decide what is truth,  utilizing the theatre of the mind.

Bill Hicks

Use the darkest image and language to brighten and enlighten.

Ed P.

Think with abundant rationale.  Questioning god’s will with in arguable reasoning.

Also the usefulness of the quip of getting  the change you want (usually in a work environment )  ” Let it be their idea ” Excersing detachment from ego.

Grandpa Albert

Taught me how to recontextualize to put words in perspective,  looking at stuff from both sides,  Making it okay to be the “butt” of jokes, as then you will get your turn.

Neil Peart  Lyricist,  Drummer Rush

Inspired my affection for reading, Reading how much he read, and creating the best lyrical adaptations that elevated and communicated stories in a briefer, meaningful song.

Steve Martin

At the time, unintentionally lent me his   material since I had no personality.  Still, don’t, save the occasional content and context questioning blurt.

.

Rock and Roll and other music

Holding my hand and carrying me like the proverbial single set of footprints in the sand.

One doesn’t buy over 800 cd’s simply for the love of music,  well perhaps,  I suspect though,  looking back,  needed a few “carriers.”

My Papa John was probably most acutely influential regarding core influences.

At least from the perspective of just being a nice guy to my chosen children’s children.

Papa John would tell me he didn’t know,  even though I knew he knew the answer to my questions. With him knowing I was aware which made me learn to trust in myself because I discovered the answer.

Happy Father’s day.

 

Iron Maiden

Can I play with madness?

Give me the sense to wonder
To wonder if I’m free

Give me a sense of wonder
To know I can be me

Give me the strength to hold my head up
Spit back in their face

Don’t need no key to unlock this door
Gonna break down the walls
Break out of this bad place