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I’m so ashamed.

September 2, 2016

Saw, someone I recognized in a hardware store. Hi, how’s it going?  (Please…Go down another aisle,  I don’t remember  your name.)  Good,  and you? Good…


Aww shit, should have grabbed my bolts and bolted.

Still driving?  Yes, yourself,  what are you up to?  Oh, the usual.  (That’s no clue, obviously,  you recognize me.)

(Must need, put on my invisible “Sherlock Homes” hat. Hmm, many of the same items in basket.  Ah ha, rental property owner, getting closer.

Rented storage unit, did business with…..)

Have you seen those video door bells?

No, just hear the ads, while driving.

Yeah, you can, blah blah blah blah  (I’m still trying to remember your name.) watch the house from anywhere.

Sounds neat, (don’t you have to finish shopping,  since I obviously can not remember your name? )

Of course if “you” can access it from “anywhere”, that essentially means “anyone” else can access it from “anywhere.”  (Trying to raise surveillance consciousness.)

(I don’t suppose, Winston Smith would have intentionally put cameras in his flat for his big brother to keep eyes on him.)

Your right,  but at least ……… Then, as if out of nowhere, bigotry bile bubbled breathlessly into the conversation.

Unfortunately, his bigotry was only matched by my incompetence to say anything to stop it.

Something, only as innocuous as, you really think so?  Minimaliizing anything that would insinuate agreeing with him.

Who knew,  that loose-lipped comment of cameras, would garner such a bizarre response?

Now, I’d really like to get the fuck out of here, and could care less what your name is.

Writing this, makes me realize what I should have done, would be to have said,  oh yeah, that’s part of my heritage, what part bothers you.

Then watch him scamper away hopping like a coward.  Hopping, of course as he’d be leaving with one foot in his mouth.

I’m so cynical, I’m reverse paranoid, I know no one is out to get me.

Name….  Hmmm,  Ray..something…
Name, oh yeah Ray Sist Ayehole.


I’m as bad as the proverbial Peter,

From “Jesus Christ Superstar”

“The Last Supper”

One of you denies me//


No! Who would?!  Impossible!


Peter will deny me in just a few hours.

No, not me.

Three times will deny me,

And that’s not all I see.


“Peter’s Denial”

I think I’ve seen you, somewhere.

I remember.

You were with that man, they took away.

I recognize your face.


You’ve got the wrong man lady.

I don’t know him,

And I wasn’t where he was tonight

Never near the place.


That’s strange, for I am sure,   I saw you with him.

You were right by his side, and yet you denied.


I tell you I was never with him.


But I saw you too.

He looked just like you.


I don’t know him!


Peter, don’t you know what you have said.

You’ve gone and cut him dead.


I had to do it, don’t you see?

Or else they’d go for me.


It’s what he told us you would do.

I wonder how he knew.

(For one, it’s a decent “story”, and a good writer(s) can write anything in advance to create making a “prediction” come “true”.)

Oops,  almost got off topic.

I’m using the above, adaptation to convey, feeling like shit, for not defending a group of fellow earthlings, at least conceptually, from the ignorant opinion of someone who will probably never have any contact with any individual of the group he was disparaging.

Must find some justification of a redemptive quality, to get out of this cognitive dissonant state.

I will, however, call out people whom I do know,  when they make stupid unconscious racist comments, which still, in my mind, changes nothing, other than, them knowing better to keep their mouth shut around me.

Why would one take, their accident of birth, privledged pink pigment epidermis exterior to expend the energy jacking their jaws of a juvenile jeremiad to perpetuate profound paranoia of people?

What a strange way to get people to stop doing business with you.  (At least,  in my case.)

On the other hand, maybe I did that group a service by not defending it, for one, I know nothing about it, and do have a tendency to not fight fair or kind, maybe fair, but definitely not kind.

What is a person to do?

Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) was a prominent Protestant pastor who emerged as an outspoken public foe of Adolf Hitler and spent the last seven years of Nazi rule in concentration camps.

Niemöller is perhaps best remembered for the quotation:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

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