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Tested and Testing

May 4, 2016

Feel that way constantly. Everything I do and everything I’ve done is a perpetual test. Mostly failure is the result. Quick,  try another test.

The sad part is. …, I know I am the one making up the tests.

It feels like I have inside information on stuff I’m not supposed to know, and yet supposed to share. Not quite sure what it is though.

Yet knowing, that nothing is any more profound,  than making an ingredient change or measurement alteration in a recipe.

It probably all stems from listening to an Eddie Murphy cassette,  and wanting to share the hilarity and comedic wit, of an SNL performer.

I know…….  I’ll share it with my parents. …. They thought my Steve Martin tapes were funny.

Oops,  that got it taken away.  Guess they thought they’d beat Tipper Gore to the punch.

Excuse me,  ummm, I’ve already listened to it enough,  past the point of memorization,  taking it away,  is only going to serve your need to feel like you are protecting me from something.

How about we all be adults here,  and have an open discussion,  so that I can maybe have a personality instead of borrowing one from repeating the funny stuff I hear.  Not only that,  shortly after you take it away,  I will find it in your desk,  leaving  you the cassete case, so you can maintain the illusion, you’ve “parented”.

Thank you for making me seek out other stuff perhaps you might not think I should be aware of, or listen to.  Plus, behave on the surface in a way that will give you or the rest of the world any clue, that I will examine stuff with such scrutiny, and dialogue it over and over and over in my head with myself and appreciate it in that form and not, for my “safety” let anyone know.

Only letting out non sequiturs that relate, or perhaps don’t, certainly nothing that will give me the ability to have conversations and interact with people in a human or even humane way.  As I will continue to have pre dialogue conversations with what I think people are going to say instead of listening to what they say.

Spontaneity,  kind of gets shot in the ass, when it goes through that “filter”.  Listening, takes on stratospheric layers of concentration as I try to get to what is actually being said, and separating it into the spirit of its intention, away from the myriad of other words going through my brain.

One day there will be internet blogs, where this useless information can come spewing out of my head, and I will be able to disseminate it and evolve into a real relatable interacting kind person,  this post,  may just be the start. Ta da.


Almost every question is a loaded question.

If I am asked “How cold is it supposed to be today?”

Instantly,  (the process in my head)  does that mean the temperature outside?  Or a reference to my demeanor? Was I supposed to know?  Is the answer supposed to be in Farenheight,  Celsius or Kelvin?  What time today? Should it be the low, or an average?

Fuck, ………. what was the question?


2nd Guessing

My mind is messing
Even more stressing
Answers I’m questing
Should I be confessing
It’s up to 4th guessing
One less would be a blessing

Cranium is coming unglued
Second guessing is cubed
A straight answer is skewed
Might as well be stewed
Don’t mean to be rude
My brain is screwed

I’ll never learn my lesson
What was the question
A DeLorean with exception
Would be my redemption
I understand your frustration
I forgot the summation

Why does it have to be
Doesn’t happen randomly
Could it only be me
Why can’t it be she
Or perhaps he
So I can be free

I wish this on no one
It’s absolutely no fun
There’s work to be done
Figure where it comes from
On my shoulders there’s some
The weight it’s a ton

A 180 would be nifty
Instead I do a 360
Try to be witty
Yet nobody gets me
I realize that is shitty
But that’s my proclivity

A puzzle to solve
So I can evolve
Can not resolve
Will not dissolve
Won’t happen by jove
Return to my cove




From → humor

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