Skip to content

New Stool (Leg 3)

July 19, 2017

Special Thanks to Doug Stanhope’s creativity to close this 3 part post out.


“It’s not a free country. You’re born free.

I mean, you are born absolutely free, except for the laws of nature. If you drink, you get drunk. That’s a law. If you get old, you die. That’s a law too. If you sit on a tack, you will bleed from the ass.

These are the only laws they that you’re born with. And any kind of government just #ucks you out that type of freedom.

If you really think you’re free tonight… You, hero! Officer Bob, you’re a free man! You live in a free country!

You go upstairs… You take your own beer you risked your life for… You sit on the hood of your monster truck in a parking lot… Drink your beer. And see how long it is before actual veteran cops come by and pound on you with trudgeons on the kidneys, to show… “Why can’t I do it? I’m just having a beer.” “I don’t know.

That’s the law, you don’t #uck around.” You can’t drive down the street without a seatbelt on, why not? You gotta put on a helmet.

You can’t sit in your own backyard naked, your own filthy dirty flesh that you’re born with. You know that body you carry around? “Filthy! You can’t sit out… Why not? I don’t know, that’s just the way it is.”

You’re not free. You’re not free in the least. You need a dipoma in this country to cut hair. Are you free? You need to keep your tray in a operate and a locked position during take-off. That’s not just a hack premise, it’s a #ucking felony.


“Why do I have to have…? This doesn’t make sense.”

They say if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish… Then he’s gotta get a fishing license, but he doesn’t have any money. So he’s gotta get a job, and he has to get another Social Security system and pay taxes.

And now you gonna audit the poor (×ck$@(ker cause he’s not really good with math. He’ll pull the IRS van up to your house. He’ll take all your shit.


And then all goes up for auction with the burden of proof on you, cause you forgot to carry the one

Cause you were just worried about eating a *ucking fish. And you couldn’t even cook the fish, cause you needed a permit for an open flame. And then the Health Department is gonna start asking you a lot of questions about where are you gonna dump the scales and the guts.
“This is not a sanitary environment.”

And ladies and gentlemen, if you get sick of it all at the end of the day… it’s not even legal to kill yourself.


You are born free, got fucked out the half of it. And you’re waving a flag celebrating.


The only true freedom that you find is when you realize and come to terms with the fact that you are completely and unapologetically #ucked. And then you are free to float around the system.”

Doug Stanhope


Is it any wonder, why we are in need of a new stool?


Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: