Future Past

Won’t the future be amazing when the technology creates a device where you can connect with another human being

One that sits on a night stand or hangs on a wall so you will always know where it is and never lose it.

Perhaps by pressing a few buttons you can talk into a mouthpiece and hear the other person’s voice with crystal clarity through a round speaker. Disconnect by simply placing the handset in a cradle.

An invention so advanced, it will work, even when the power goes out. Virtually indestructible, should it accidentally be dropped. So timeless, once it is in place, it will never ever need to be replaced. Therefore the cost to own it will be essentially zero, not forty dollars a month forever.

Within it an unprogramed feature, that circumstantially teaches you to trust and develop your instincts that when you are not near it and you hear “bad” news you can tune in to the emotional frequency of a family member to determine their health and well-being.

A simple doohicky that performs those basic functions that you won’t need it to file taxes, research the pyramids, create a music video or carry to wipe your butt, pick your nose, scratch your ass or shave your legs.

Maybe, it will even have a cord, so it can’t be brought into a bathroom anyway.

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Just for good measure.

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“It’s amazing how different shit is now. And it hasn’t been this way for a long time. It has been a very short time.

Everybody has a phone in their pocket. Just a few years ago nobody had their phone. It was just the phone. It was this thing, the phone. That was in a room in your house, and then dial this freaking thing, the rotor. And you had to turn it. [rrrrrrr….].

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Now we have this, which is amazing. You have these phone that you can call in an air strike. You can look at the top of your own head. It’s amazing this shit and it’s wasted on the shitiest piece of assholes. I swear to god. We are the worst people.

Because we have this beautiful thing, and we hate it. We are just, “duh nuh.” I have never seen a person going, “Look what my phone can do…” Nobody does that. They all go, “Fu**ing thing grrrrr. sucks….I can’t get it to…”

Give it a second. Would yeah? Could you give it a second. It’s going to space. Can you give it a second? From space. Is this speed of light too slow for you? You noncontributing product sponge.

Can you just wait?!?! Can you just wait? And just take a little breathe. Just wait for the picture of axle rose to get on your phone. Like it doesn’t f***in matter what you are doing. We are all so mad, “I hate my phone. It sucks.”

No it doesn’t. It’s amazing. The shitiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks around the phone. Why are you so mad at it.

People say the craziest thing, “I hate verizon.” What are you talking about? How can that feeling exist? “I hate verizon.” Why? Did they fire you and take away your pension? “No just a couple of times it went weird for a second. I hate them!”

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Louis CK