The Murder Channel

“Why not, they’ve got all golf. WTF”

– George Carlin



Its premise and production

Could be in the same vein

As the Weather Channel

To forecast the likelihood

Of hot and cold murders

Based on extensive data collection

Of local and regional gun sales

Pockets of severe racism

Adolescent angst and

Access to deadly weapons

Parental adherence to the cliche

It takes a village to raise a child

Decisions could be made

Whether or not to

Send children to school or to

Dress them in heavy bullet proof vests

Or just a good pair of running shoes

Same goes for work violence

Were there unforseen layoffs

Or a “disgruntled” worker

Posting vengeful rants on

Saturated social media

Seems possible right

If there are algorithmic calculations

Based on quip and quick searches

Of how lava lamps work and for

Three weeks show up in an

Advertising loop on your “feed”

The same technology could be used

To determine dodging death

As a palpable prediction

If you or your children

Will live to see another sunrise

For content during the wee hours

Just like the Weather Channel

There could be reruns of significant

Mass murders like Columbine

Sandy Hook or Mandalay Bay

The close connection between

The weather and murder is that

Everyone talks about them both

But no one does anything about either

“Just an observation,
Maybe I need
Different glasses.”

– Angelo Devlin


Where this should have stopped.

Nope.

As long as music has become irrelevant for inspiring social change. The murder channel could adopt the acronym MTV. Murder TV.

“Murder For Nothing”

I want my—I want my MTV [4x]

Now look at them yo-yos,
That’s the way you do it
You shoot your AK47 on the MTV

That ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Celebrity for nothin’, go on a shooting spree

Now that ain’t workin’ that’s the way you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain’t dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb

We got to bury daughters and sons
Graveyards and cemeteries
Memorized repeated eulogies

We got to sell these W MD’s
We got to glue eyes to these TVs

With deep apologies to “Dire Straights”