Darker Hour

‘Tis the season…….

This has been in the chamber for a while.

I would extinguish myself, if I didn’t think life was such a meddlesome joke or that I would have to do it all over again.

“My spirits are low in the depths of despair.

My lifeblood…
…Spills over…”

Rush “2112”

“Death makes angels of us all
& gives us wings

Where we had shoulders
Smooth as raven’s claws “

Jim Morrison “An American Prayer”

“Feel the sweat break on my brow
Is it me or is it shadows that are
Dancing on the walls.
Is this a dream or is it now
Is this a vision or normality I see
Before my eyes.

I wonder why I wonder how
That it seems
The powers getting stronger
Every day
I feel a strength an inner fire
But I’m scared
I won’t be able to control it anymore

There’s a time to live and a time to die
When it’s time to meet the maker
There’s time to live but isn’t it strange
That as soon as you’re born you’re dying.

Just by looking through your eyes
He could see the future penetrating right
In through your mind
See the truth and see your lies
But for all his power
Couldn’t foresee his own demise

There’s time to live and time to die
When it’s time to meet the maker
There’s time to live but isn’t it strange
That as soon as you’re born you’re dying…
…and reborn again??”

“The Clairvoyant”

– Iron Maiden

Fear not, this is merely a dark post on the topic of suicide and unintentionally reincarnation.

Besides I understand the following.

“And if you die by your own hand
As a suicide you shall be damned
And if you try to save your soul
I will torment you – you shall not grow old
With every second and passing breath
You’ll be so alone your soul will bleed to death”

“Moonchild”

– Iron Maiden

Still find it an inherently interesting contemplation as a means to paradigm shift into an elevated degree of consciousness of consequences. Or consciousness alone.

After all, if things thought, make decisions so desperately dire demanding demise, then the turnaround is as equally optimistic for an alternative. Why not, at that critical point, what have you got to lose. You will go through it all again anyway.

“Infinity is so big, that everything that has ever happened, on earth in the exact same order, down to………. that … pause has happened an infinite number of times, all through out the universe.

Everywhere in space, there is a you, making the same colossal f**king errors, that you’ve made your entire life.

So if anybody ever tells you, you can do better. Go, apparently not.”

That’s infinity.”

Joe Rogan

Besides, I have infinitely more reasons to stick around than not to than I do to not.

Just need to apprise myself of them more often.

“Just an observation,
Maybe I need
Different glasses.”

– Angelo Devlin

Or a crystal clear crystal ball.

“Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn’t work out the way I want it to
I get real frustrated and I try hard to do it and I take my time and it doesn’t work out the way I want it to
It’s like I concentrate real hard and it doesn’t work out
Everything I do and everything I try never turns out
It’s like I need time to figure these things out
But there’s always someone there going

Hey Mike:
You know we’ve been noticing you’ve been having a lot of problems lately
You know, maybe you should get away and maybe you should talk about it, maybe you’ll feel a lot better

And I’m all like:
Oh nah it’s ok you know I’ll figure it out, just leave me alone I’ll figure it out
You know I’m just working on it by myself

And they go:
Well you know if you want to talk about it I’ll be here you know and you’ll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it
So why don’t you talk about it?

And I go:
No I don’t want to I’m okay, I’ll figure it out myself
But they just keep bugging me and they just keep bugging me, and it builds up inside

So you’re gonna be institutionalized
You’ll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes
You won’t have anyting to say
They’ll brainwash you until you see their way

I’m not crazy – Institutionalized
You’re the one that’s crazy – Institutionalized
You’re driving me crazy – Institutionalized
They stuck me in an institution,
Said it was the only solution,
to give me the needed professional help
to protect me from the enemy – Myself”

//

MY best interests?! How do you know what MY best interest is?
How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say, I’M crazy?

When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches. I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities?!

So how can you say I’M crazy?

They say they’re gonna fix my brain
Alleviate my suffering and my pain
But by the time they fix my head
Mentally I’ll be dead

//

From the much longer, killer song…….

“Institutionalized”

– Suicidal Tendencies

On a lighter note, from George….

“Suicide is for people who can’t wait to find out where the hell it is you go,
“Holy s___, I been waiting a long time”
I don’t have many nights like that.
But when you think about it,you know, *mumbling*
Suicide.

I always pictured myself on the ledge. There’s gotta be a little show business involved. You know, you don’t wanna slump over a porcelin fixture.

“Let me get up here.. Hey-y-y-y-y-y!”
Set the record, be the first guy to reach the double yellow line. Have you picture in the centerfold of the newspaper. Actually, a picture of the building with a dotted line showing “Leaper’s Path” Suicide!

Suppose you worked on the Suicide Hotline. Helping people talk them out of it.
That’s your job,
“Hello, Suicide Hotline.”
And one morning you wake up a little depressed. Should you call in sick?

I’d like to see a top salesman commit suicide. A really persuasive guy up on the ledge. And the Priest talks him out of it. And he talks the Priest in to it.

People say maybe you’ll come back. Reincarnation. Do you think so? Well, it doesn’t seem mathematically possible to me, man.

Ah, ’cause at one time all we had on the Earth was 6 people, you know. I avoid 2 because it’s controversial, but 6. Most people will agree,
“Oh f___ ya, we had 6 at one time, yeah”

6 people, 6 souls. Cool! They died, souls went back to the place. 6 new people, souls *Whew* Still 6 souls.
Now we have 4 (almost 8) billion people claiming to have souls. Someone is printing up souls. And it lowers their value, you know.”

“Death and dying”

– George Carlin

Other lyrical ways to prevent suicide

“Don’t
Forget
Your
Second
Wind”

“You’re only human”

– Billy Joel

“Don’t try suicide,  nobody gives a damn”

“The Game”

– Queen

“This is the only life for me – yeah
Surround myself around my own fantasy
You just gotta be strong and
Believe in yourself
Forget all the sadness
‘Cause love is all you need
Love is all you need

Do you know what it’s like
To be alone in this world
When you’re down and out on your luck
and you’re a failure
Wake up screaming in the middle of the night
You think it’s all been a waste of time
It’s been a bad year
You start believing
Everything’s gonna be alright
Next minute you’re down and
You’re flat on your back
A brand new day is beginning
Get that sunny feeling and you’re on your way (way)

Just believe – just keep passing the open windows
Just believe – just keep passing the open windows

Do you know how it feels when you don’t have friend (friend)
Without a job and no money to spend
You’re a stranger

All you think about is suicide
One of these days you’re gonna lose the fight
You better keep out of danger – yeah
That same old feeling just keeps burning deep inside (inside)
You keep telling yourself it’s gonna be the end
Oh – get yourself together
Things are looking better everyday (day)

Just believe – just keep passing the open windows
Just believe – just keep passing the open windows”

“Keep Passing”  from “The Works”

– Queen