Ironic Dichotic Moronic Legislation

I heard a news report that this current administration, (Most of that sewage flows through my auditory canal) has two main focuses. 

One of which is to do everything to foist the lives of children. Health care and education etcetera.

“Here’s another platitude they jam down your throat”

“Children are our future”

“Children are not our future and I can prove it with my usual flawless logic.

Children can’t be our future because by the time the future arrives they won’t be children anymore.”

– George Carlin

The other is to do anything or everything (meaning nothing) to protect the environment. (Watch and wait with the brown polar bears as the glacial ice caps are re-frozen.)

“You know, there’s environmentalists and there’s people who just hate environmentalists. People get angry at environmentalists because they think they’re slowing down the economy and creating restrictions and a lot of these people are Christian.

A lot of these people are very devout Christians and that’s such a confusing thing to me, that if you believe that God gave you the Earth, that God created Earth for you, why would you not have to look after it?

Why the fuck– Why would you not think that when he came back he wouldn’t go, “What the fuck did you do?” “I gave this to you, motherfucker.

Are you crazy?” “The polar bears are brown.” “What did you do to the polar bears?” “Did you shit all over every polar bear?”

“What did you–who did this? Who spilled this shit? Who spilled this?” “Come over here. Did you fucking spill this? What is that?”

“It’s oil. It’s just some oil. I didn’t mean to spill–”

“Well why did you take it out of the fucking ground?”

“Because I wanted to go faster.” “I’m not fast enough.” “And I was cold.”

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘cold’?”

“I gave you everything you needed, you piece of shit.”

“Well, because jobs, and I wanted–”

“What is a job? Explain to me, what’s a fucking job?”

“Well, like you work at a place and people call when their game doesn’t work and you help them figure it out.”

“What do you do that for?”

“For money.”

“What do you need money for?”

“Food.”

“Just eat the shit on the floor.” “I left shit all over the floor.” “Fucking corn and wheat and shit. Grind it up, make some bread. What are you doing?”

– Louis CK

Whether it be reducing the consumption of fossil fuel or coal in exchange for solar or wind power, the resources all have to be extracted from the Earth. Causing different damage it will still be slow to recover from. All the while using petroleum products to move it from point A to Z.

At least for now, it is less deadly as no wars are being waged over resource stealing, under the guise of democracy and freedumb.

Encouraging and enabling the former while trying to protect and save the latter is merely two locomotives connected together on the same track heading in opposite directions. Going nowhere fast.

“Save the planet!” What?! Are these fucking people kidding me?! Save the planet?! We don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet! We haven’t learned how to care for one another and we’re gonna save the fucking planet?!

I’m getting tired of that shit! I’m getting tired of that shit! I’m tired of fucking Earth Day! I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists; these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren’t enough bicycle paths!

People trying to make the world safe for their Volvo’s! Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat.

They’re worried that some day in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages …And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference?

The planet isn’t going anywhere.

WE are!”

– George Carlin


There is not a footwear manufacturer large enough to make a boot to cover, the carbon footprint the exponential burgeoning population is leaving behind. That is jackbooted against the carotid artery of mother earth’s neck.

“Her love rains down on me
As easy as the breeze
I listen to her breathing
It sounds like the waves on the sea

I was thinking all about her,
Burning with rage and desire
We were spinning into darkness
The earth was on fire

She could take it back,
She might take it back some day

So I spy on her, I lie to her,
I make promises I cannot keep
Then I hear her laughter rising,
Rising from the deep

And I make her prove her love for me,
I take all that I can take
And I push her to the limit
To see if she will break

She might take it back,
She could take it back some day

Now I have seen the warnings,
Screaming from all sides
It’s easy to ignore them and
God knows I’ve tried

All of this temptation,
It turned my faith to lies
Until I couldn’t see the danger
Or hear the rising tide

She can take it back,
She will take it back some day
She can take it back,
She will take it back some day
She can take it back,
She will take it back some day”

– Pink Floyd

“Take It Back” from The Division Bell

“The planet will be here, we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation,  just another closed end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac.

The planet will shake us off like a bad case of fleas, a surface nuisance.

//

Take care of yourself and take care of somebody else.”

– George Carlin

“The planet is fine”


So instead of meaningful legislation and incentives* to reduce the population. The children / environment focused distraction is there to brighten and polish a comfortable pot to cook the tadpoles and frogs in.

Ribbit

“Just an observation,
Maybe I need
Different glasses.”

– Angelo Devlin


*
“If I had any cause over the course of my career that I’ve bitched the most about, It’s overpopulation, which is the root of most of the other problems you care about.

//

The only solution that I’ve ever come up with, Which I think is great, but no one’s gotten on board, incentive-based eugenics.

Eugenics was a practice of sterilizing people. Hitler got a lot of the credit for it, but it was actually done in this country long before Hitler even knew who he was mad at. We were practicing eugenics in this country.

Eugenics was the practice of forced sterilization of undesirables, which sounds bad. And the way they did it was bad ’cause they would…

First of all, the force is wrong. You don’t force people to do things they don’t want to do. And, “b,” who decides who’s undesirable?

They were doing it in this country At the turn of the 20th century, Which is the 1900s, for a lot of my fans. Early 1900s. To criminals, perverts, which is way too vague, the mentally ill, mentally retarded, homosexuals, which makes perfect sense. We don’t want them breeding.

//

But if you took away the force, And you just made it incentive-based for people willing to sterilize themselves. Offer up some white trash prizes. You know, Nascar pit pass, meet your favorite driver. All you’ve got to do is snip the sac. “Really?” Year’s supply of sunny delight. You want some sunny d, don’t you?

//

What do we got to do? “Are you telling me, if I cut off my balls, I’m going crossbow hunting with Ted Nugent?” Well, shit, yeah. “No. No, sir, sir, sir. Wait, no. “We don’t actually cut off your balls.

We just make a small incision with a local anesthetic.” “F%@! you. I want you to cut off my whole balls. “I’m gonna hang them from my rear-view mirror “like a lucky rabbit’s foot. “I’m going crossbow hunting with the Nuge. I ain’t never won nothing in my life.”

That’s a workable plan. Can’t argue with that. It just won’t happen.”

– Doug Stanhope