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“Not” Hanging On The Wall

April 18, 2021

In my random and meager
Internet searches for biblical
References and passages
Not for truth rather for information
Perhaps inspiration…..maybe
Just definitely not the truth
Has landed me squarely
In the algorithmic clutches of
Corporations seeking profit
Through the “FREE” format
Of “social” media a.k.a the
Rumor mill and whine club
That grabs ones attention through
Pet pics and stupid human tricks
What comes up for “sale” is a
Detailed time-line representation
(Laminated “extra” for the up-sell)
Of allegedly everything that has
Ever occured since Adam and Steve
God’s original name was Steve
Before they played hospital as
Surgeon and patient to “create” Eve
You know….so they could …………
“Control” her…….Bwaha haha hehe
Then God said, “Let us* make mankind in our image, in our likeness”
Genesis 1:26
* “Us” – meaning Adam and Steve
(Ooops, that’s how all this shit started)
Had to be all of the rest of the other
Beasts of the field birds in the air
Fish and whales of the oceans
Vegetation on the ground magically
Received their stamens and pistils
So they could reproduce after their kind
In one fell swoop or days 5 and 6
That’s a lot of surgeries in 2 days
Lest that part was left out of the story
Like leaving out where Caine’s wife
Came from so as not to be his sister
I am not going to buy this poster
Because its pitching point is that it
Covers existence from then to now
As only 6,000 years which would mean
That ship building selfish drunkard
Lived 1/10th of “known” eternity
By comparison if you lived to 80 it
Would be 1/75th of “known” eternity
That calculation seems a tad off
Probably when switching from a
10 month to a 12 month calendar
If I suspended disbelief anymore
I’d have to hang myself
Silly me I thought the fundamentalists
Believed it was 12,000 years old probably
……because I perceive “truths”
Through comedians
“Did y’all know..this is fascinating.
This is ab..solutely fascinating.
Fundamentalist Christians believe the world is 12,000 years old. Is that..let’s just think about that. Idn’t that great? And I ask them, how do you think that? Why do you think the world’s 12,000 years old? And they go,
“Well, we added up all the people born from Adam and Eve, added up their ages- roughly 12,000 years.”
Well, how scientific. I can’t ******’ argue with that kind of research.
You think the world’s 12,000 years old. “That’s right.” Ok, can I ask you a question? “Sure.” It’s a one word question. “Fine.”
If the world’s 12,000 years old and the Bible covers it, why didn’t someone bring up ******’ dinosaurs? You’d think someone would have brought that up …somewhere in the g****** book.
..And Jesus and the disciples walked down the path towards Nazareth but, oh, the path was blocked by a giant brontosaurus with a splinter in his paw. And the disciples did run a-screamin’, “What a big ******’ lizard, Lord!” “I’m sure gonna mention this in my book”, ..said Luke. “Well, I’m sure gonna mention it in my book”, ..said Matthew. “I’m not sure what I saw”, …said Thomas. Timothy nudged him. “It was a big ******’ lizard, Thomas!”
But Jesus was unafraid. And he took the splinter from the brontosaurus’ paw and the brontosaurus became his friend. And Jesus sent him to Scotland where he lived in a loch oh, so many years attracting fat American families with their fat ******’ dollars to look for the Loch Ness Monster. And oh, the Scots did praise the Lord. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord.
12,000 years old… I asked this guy- Come on, man. Dinosaur fossils. What’s the deal? He goes, “God put those here to test our faith.” I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. I think I’ve figured this out. That’s what this guy said. Does it bother anyone here- the idea that God might be ******’ with our heads?
Anyone have trouble sleepin’ restfully with that thought in their head? God’s runnin’ around, buryin’ fossils. “Oh, ho, ho! We’ll see who believes in me now! Oh, ho, ho. I’m a prankster God! I am killing me, oh, ho, ho!”
You die, you go to Saint Peter- “Did you believe in dinosaurs?” “Well, yeah. There was fossils everywhere!” BOOM! AAAHHH! “What are you, an idiot? God was ******’ with you! Giant flyin’ lizards! You moron! That’s one of God’s easiest jokes!” “It seemed so plausible! AAAGHHH!” Bound for the lake of fire.
While I appreciate your quaint traditions, superstitions, y’know. I, on the other hand, am an evolved being who deals solely with the source of light which exists in all of us in our own minds. No middleman required. “
– Bill Hicks

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